Bee a Sparrow

Below is a feeble tribute to Susie written in my younger days looking back at my even younger days...

St. Patrick’s Day. A day for celebration, and wishes of good luck. A day to say good-bye. As I approached the college chapel I noticed how beautiful the campus was in spring. Trees budding with life, flowers celebrating with dashes of brilliant color and green, green St. Patrick’s Day grass.

I had a driving need to be at the chapel before anyone else. When I arrived I wondered why. No flowers, no people, just the unique silence a place of worship holds when not filled with believers. Sunlight streamed through the windows and onto the pews as if preparing a palette of light for those soon to be seated. I slowly walked down the main aisle needing and yet dreading the upcoming day’s events.

I ascended the stairs and busied myself with the necessities of the afternoon service. Ministers appraised, music sifted through, family and friends notified.

Eulogy written, rewritten, torn up, and written again. What words could possibly mean anything?

I fervently prayed for strength to get through the next hour and a half without succumbing to the overwhelming grief that had enveloped my life since hers had ended. I looked at what I had written. Words so inadequate for a life so wonderful, a fight so valiant and a comrade so dear.

Would she understand? Would those who loved her? Would I be belittling a spirit with words so seemingly weak? I shoved the words into my pocket as the minister and her parents walked in and welcomed them. Enough time for reflection.

I was amazed at how many people fit into the tiny chapel as I peered over the podium. The music had been beautiful, the minister’s words consoling and now there was me at the podium with a feeble declaration of her life’s impact. As I began to read my voice faltered.

I stopped and peered into the sea of people who now looked to me for… what? While gazing out into the crowd, my eyes locked with an old friend sitting in the middle of a pew crammed full with the many young faces present. Something drew me past his tears and out the doors of the chapel which were opened on the warm spring day. A sparrow had perched herself on the chapel’s stair landing and at that moment decided to sing to her heart’s content. Her chirps were loud and clear and captured the essence of what my eulogy struggled to convey. Although her euphony lasted only a few seconds, it was long enough to celebrate the life of a friend.

In those few seconds, the message became clear. The service was not about my words, her chirps or biblical verse. It was about the grandeur of grief. A sadness so deep over the loss of a person so treasured. New valuation, acceptance and release of the fight that was fought. Overwhelming love for the person that was and the Spirit that is. Words could never do justice. Just a collective consciousness drawn from the depths the souls who knew her.

As I finished reading my poem, I knew I had contributed my piece. A single note in a symphony of retrospection, emancipation and celebration. But a note nevertheless.

Like the death of a close friend, loss visits us in many forms; a cancer diagnosis, a layoff from a job, sending a child off to college, ablation of a dream, separation from a loved one, a project nullified, a friend wronged and so on. All losses deserve the opportunity to be grieved-be they major or minor. Through grief, powerful healing and growth can occur.

Grief drives us to review the important and unimportant in our lives. Grief lends us the strength to accept the unacceptable. Grief compels us to touch parts of our souls we did not know existed. Grief links us to others in ways we never imagined. Grief redefines what Happiness is.

So my friends, think of each of your losses as the death of a dear friend, and give yourself the freedom to mourn that loss. There is no wrong or right way. It is a deeply personal process. Simply put, it is not the way in which we grieve; it is that we do grieve. So, shed a tear, scream into a pillow, write a poem, reach out to a friend, or even…lend an ear to a sparrow’s song.